General Defecation

By: Speaker

     I remember elementary school vividly.  I was the kid with only one friend that everyone ignored.  But, it was okay because I was an only child; I knew how to entertain myself.[1]  Besides, I wasn’t there for a social life;[2] I was there to get a “General Education” to prepare for middle and high school, so I could get in a good college,[3] so I could get a job.  My elementary “General Education” was very simple.  It consisted of social studies, math, and science all taught by the same teacher all day long.  It was pure monotony, but it was okay because I had my longing for middle school to keep me going, things would be different.

I remember middle school like I remember last week.  I graduated from being ignored to being verbally picked on and also we had more than one teacher so it was less monotonous.  The general education classes were still there, though.  Math became pre-algebra and the social studies and sciences became history, (One of the history teachers, Ms. Lee,[4] actually taught that the earth was flat, and that the reason we can go from one side of the flat earth to the other was because of something called no-space.[5]) geography, and biology.  Again, I was here to get a good “General Education,” so I could be ready for the tough stuff in high school, so I could be prepared for college, so I can get a good job and support my family.  Besides, I had heard high school was awesome, anything can happen in high school!  I was sure high school would be different.

High school I remember like yesterday.  Well, it wasn’t boring at least.  I mean it took a lot of skill to keep from being physically picked on.[6]  Besides, my one friend was enough because I was in high school now, studying was more important!  I wasn’t getting just any ole “General Education,” I was getting a “High School General Education.”[7]  History became more history.[8]  Pre-algebra became algebra. Biology became chemistry and biology part two!  English was yet more English.  Oh and there was the addition of P.E., Physical Education, which just gave people one more excuse to make fun of me.[9]  But I still had hope for college, the one place where I could start over and end my monotonous “General Education!”

Over three years ago I finally started college.  I was thinking that if everything before was preparing for life, then this would be life.  I was half right.  Because there were so many people in college, it was easy for me to find my niche, my group of friends.[10] Life was good.  I then quickly found out that all that elementary school and middle school and high school was spent preparing for guess what?  That’s right, more “General Education!”  Now my history is a history sequence.  Algebra has become Calculus.  Biology Two and Chemistry have become Biology 101 and Chemistry 101 and English became Composition and Literature sequences.  Basically, my previous one friend and I have grown up.  We have both found our groups and gained a number of friends.  Everything has changed for us in our maturity, except our education.  Our education has not caught up with us.  It still needs to grow up.

I do still have hope for graduation and settling down with a family and getting a job.  At least then my “General Education” will be finally over!  But since I was not forced to specialize from my freshman year, and was actually forced into taking general classes and useless electives, I won’t be half as good at what I end up doing[11] as I would if I had been able to specialize for four years.  Now I know there are some majors like Computer Science that basically specialize students for four years.  But those are rare majors and students still have to take classes they don’t need.[12]  No wonder we have college graduates working at McDonald’s, it means almost the same thing as a High School Diploma.  I say we get rid of stupid classes in high school like P.E.[13] and put in a little more variety of good classes.  Then we make high school live up to its purpose of preparing for college and then specialize in college.  It would definitely make the degrees worth more.  I know the importance of having general knowledge, but I’ve had it beaten over my head for over 15 different grade levels now!  The only good that an over-general education is going to do me is I will know a lot of useless facts and know how to write them in a well-formatted essay![14]  Oh well, after I graduate I’ll get a generally good job and have a generally good life.  At least I can rest easy knowing that if anyone ever decides to make me their phone-a-friend on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Regis asks them:

What battle in 1600 began the Tokugawa Era in Japan?

A.  The Onin War              B.  World War II

C.  The Battle of Sekigahara  D.  The battle of Evermore

I’ll know that the answer is “C” and just maybe I’ll get a cut of the money.  Thank you “General Education!”

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